Ego Effectiveness Indicates How Well You Will Handle Rejection | Dina Colada
Have you ever met someone who seemed super proud of being kind to others? Although it seems increasingly rare, the truth is that being proud to be a good friend or partner is generally a very healthy thing. However, this pride could be misplaced.
Sometimes people don’t realize at all if they are a good partner.
If you are worried about being able to assess how good a partner you are or if you want to become a better partner, there is a psychological concept that can help you.
It comes down to what you know about how to behave – and how you follow that knowledge.
One indicator of this awareness is how you handle rejection, but I’ll explain more about that later.
Psychology has discovered the concept of “ego efficiency” – and it plays a big part in how people react to rejection.
Ego effectiveness is a measure of how we react to certain situations. It’s knowing what to do and do this – and work to ensure that the catalyst and your response are aligned.
The idea is that people generally know what they should and shouldn’t do in social circumstances. However, that doesn’t stop them from doing the wrong thing.
Ego effectiveness reflects your ability to control your actions in response to your emotions.
Let’s take a look at how a person with different levels of ego effectiveness accepts rejection.
A guy asks a girl out via text, but she doesn’t seem interested. She says, apologetically, that she doesn’t love him and that she has a boyfriend. How does the guy deal with this, depending on how efficient his ego is?
- A person with high ego efficacy will say, “I understand, I’m sorry” and apologize.
He knows it is best to retire gracefully and does so. Who knows? Maybe she’ll change her mind after seeing this.
- A person with an average level of ego effectiveness will say, “Are you sure? Because I’m easy going and I’m a great guy.”
He can then slip away and pout. He knows he shouldn’t lash out but he’s going to crawl a bit.
- A person with a low level of ego effectiveness will pick on her and start insulting her.
This may or may not cause him to be blocked and avoided in the city. Either way, it’s not going to end well for him.
How does ego efficiency work?
It’s actually quite simple. Most people know what to do. It’s just that people who actually do the things they know are mature and right tend to do better in relationships. This is because they think before they act and are able to handle the response to their feelings a little better.
People with a high level of ego efficacy are more likely to be direct about how they feel or how they behave in a relationship. They are also more likely to know what others will think of them and how it might affect them.
On the other hand, people with low ego efficacy tend to be defensive or may try to put the blame on someone else. This makes them more likely to be unwilling or unable to act in their own best interests.
It’s much easier to blame someone else, after all.
In many ways, ego effectiveness tends to go hand in hand with self-awareness. The more self-aware you are, the easier it is to have a high level of ego effectiveness.
How does ego efficiency affect the individual?
A person who works hard to act like their ideal version of themselves is more likely to be confident. They are also more likely to be satisfied with the state of their love life and to be better at handling social pressure.
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Having a high level of ego effectiveness leads to better relationships.
Up to a point, that makes sense. Ego effectiveness is all about aligning yourself with the person you want to be.
The more you represent your personal ideal, the more you will love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more confident you will be in your decisions.
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Anyone can develop a high level of ego effectiveness.
It may seem difficult, but you can develop ego effectiveness with a little help. A good way to start is to attend a therapy group that focuses on this concept or read about a related topic: emotional intelligence.
If you’re lost and don’t know where to start, ask yourself what your ideal self would do the next time you’re faced with a problem. What’s the best way to handle this? How can I avoid making a major mistake? More often than not, listening to your higher self will be the best thing you can do.
Dina Colada is a love coach and writer whose work has appeared on Prevention, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk and other sites. She specializes in helping single women increase their self-esteem and attract deep, lasting love. Visit his website to learn more.
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